Church was like a HOME to me when I started knowing God. His like my every thing when little kid friends bullied me in church all the time. I don’t have real friends in church except Him. I sang His lovable songs, I remembered every scripture readings, I prayed to Him like talking / chatting with a friend and I even slept in church soundly when I don’t listen to sermons (Sermons are boring, sleeping in church makes me feel SAFE).
I grew up knowing Him better every time. He let me do lots of things to make little children happy. I learned to accept every little ones even though they are naughty. I learned to protect little ones when they got bullied just like me. I taught them tambourine dance on special occasions. I taught them to play games and it was fun being with them. It’s a GREAT JOY to actually BE WITH THEM. It’s the same like Jesus enjoying Himself when He was doing story-telling sessions with little ones.
I never believe that there are Santa Clause, Rudolph, Christmas Reindeers, Elves, Fairy, Godmother and others. I just BELIEVE that there are Jesus and God. I adored Christmas Day because it’s the specialty day which I got to celebrate Jesus’s birth. But… is it His REAL DATE OF BIRTH?
Well, I grew older and I began to understand more. I open my naked eyes to see things that I shouldn’t be looking at. I open my naked ears to listen conversations that it’s not my problems. I use my naked hands to touch things which are so dirty that it dirtied my hands. I sense through my naked nose and I smelled worst than rubbish perfume. I went through at time of disaster and I don’t want to go back where I started anymore. It’s freaking me out. It’s a nightmare for me. I started not to believe what I’m supposed to believe in.
I just want to be left alone. I want to go away for awhile and LOOK for my FAITH. I want to gain back my believes BUT… it has been so disappointing. I’m having emptiness though it’s supposed to be filled by Him.
There was a sermon just based on question of “WHY”. It touched me so deeply that I stopped asking WHYs. The pastor mentioned that if we keep on asking whys, there will never be an answer BUT the answer of WHYs. It will NOT END at all until you stop asking WHYs. It’s good sometimes to just not ask WHYs and you will have answers at the end which is faster.
But… recently the WHYs came back to me. I felt that life is going down hill and not up hill anymore. I’m left without any strength as I don’t feel any support at all. I’m drowning deep in the sea and it’s still drowning. I just want some one to just some day pick me up in a second and stop me from asking WHYs. But… the moment is not there yet and I’m still sinking deep into the sea. Is it because I dun believe that He is doing great for me that’s why I don’t will the support. OR I don’t really care about Him for not supporting me at all.
As usual, you all will just tell me the same answer. Believe Him and He will surely support you. Trust in Him and He will pick you up. I have to knock to get His attention. I have to ask, so He surely can help me in lightning speed. What’s the last one? Can’t remember…. Might just tell me where’s the verse came from.
I grew up knowing Him better every time. He let me do lots of things to make little children happy. I learned to accept every little ones even though they are naughty. I learned to protect little ones when they got bullied just like me. I taught them tambourine dance on special occasions. I taught them to play games and it was fun being with them. It’s a GREAT JOY to actually BE WITH THEM. It’s the same like Jesus enjoying Himself when He was doing story-telling sessions with little ones.
I never believe that there are Santa Clause, Rudolph, Christmas Reindeers, Elves, Fairy, Godmother and others. I just BELIEVE that there are Jesus and God. I adored Christmas Day because it’s the specialty day which I got to celebrate Jesus’s birth. But… is it His REAL DATE OF BIRTH?
Well, I grew older and I began to understand more. I open my naked eyes to see things that I shouldn’t be looking at. I open my naked ears to listen conversations that it’s not my problems. I use my naked hands to touch things which are so dirty that it dirtied my hands. I sense through my naked nose and I smelled worst than rubbish perfume. I went through at time of disaster and I don’t want to go back where I started anymore. It’s freaking me out. It’s a nightmare for me. I started not to believe what I’m supposed to believe in.
I just want to be left alone. I want to go away for awhile and LOOK for my FAITH. I want to gain back my believes BUT… it has been so disappointing. I’m having emptiness though it’s supposed to be filled by Him.
There was a sermon just based on question of “WHY”. It touched me so deeply that I stopped asking WHYs. The pastor mentioned that if we keep on asking whys, there will never be an answer BUT the answer of WHYs. It will NOT END at all until you stop asking WHYs. It’s good sometimes to just not ask WHYs and you will have answers at the end which is faster.
But… recently the WHYs came back to me. I felt that life is going down hill and not up hill anymore. I’m left without any strength as I don’t feel any support at all. I’m drowning deep in the sea and it’s still drowning. I just want some one to just some day pick me up in a second and stop me from asking WHYs. But… the moment is not there yet and I’m still sinking deep into the sea. Is it because I dun believe that He is doing great for me that’s why I don’t will the support. OR I don’t really care about Him for not supporting me at all.
As usual, you all will just tell me the same answer. Believe Him and He will surely support you. Trust in Him and He will pick you up. I have to knock to get His attention. I have to ask, so He surely can help me in lightning speed. What’s the last one? Can’t remember…. Might just tell me where’s the verse came from.
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